Dear Best Friend,
Hi. It’s only due time for you to know the truth.
But first, I commend you. I know how long you battled and fought with yourself on whether to blow up at me or get incredbily pissed at me. You did good, you told yourself one day you’ll never bring it up again and you didn’t. I’m glad we didn’t lose our friendhsip over this. Honestly, it’s so trivial. I’m just an idiot, I should have told you in person.
The funniest thing is that I have day dreamed about 100 million different ways I told you and every single way I knew you would be so chill. I knew you wouldn’t even bat an eye because it’s not that deep. I knew this, I know you. Yet, I had stumbled and my heart would race and I would overhtink it and now its come to this. Through a letter.
So here it is, I met that guy online, yes you know ‘the one I met at my cousins party’ – all lies. America – all truth. I don’t know what age I told you, but he was supposedly 19. Then he poofed out of my life a couple months later, just never replied. And that is it all, I know you wouldn’t believe, 2 sentences, less than 60 seconds and yet it took me 5 years. 5 bloody years.
I dont know what you’re feeling right now, call me. But I just want to say that I shed bucket loads of tears in 2012 from how guilty I felt, partly because I also lied to my mum and partly because even then I realised what a great friend you were and when I realised you didnt ever ask me again, it made my respect for you go up tenfold.
I know I don’t always treat you like it but you are my ride or die. I love you more than words can tell and I am so thankful that we met on that dreaded day when I was skipping by myself in year 4. Or so she says.
P.S. Background info:
I know you got angry at me many times for never sharing anything with you but honestly there was never anything to tell. I didn’t really like him and I kicked myself a million and one times for telling my mum, she made me tell my brother, my dad, my sister and my bro – it was a whole family affair for a 3 month fling. It wasn’t even anything and if that is one thing in my life I could change, that would be top of the list. I hurt so many people, including myself by blubbering out to the entire world when it was literally something that I knew wouldn’t go anywhere. Yet, I did and it can’t be undone, but I learnt things and that’s what counts.
I wouldn’t trade that experience for the world though, those were one of my happiest (and saddest) moments. Even if it all turned out to be a lie and it was actually a 60 yea old pervert, I’ll never know. Ignorance is bliss.