Hi,
Im a bit nervous, I’ve gone so long it almost feels unnatural to me. How does this go again?
Im sorry I left. I wish I had a valid reason, “I was working on my craft”, “I’m too busy” yet I can’t lie I am just lazy. I don’t like doing things. I don’t stick to things. I don’t have no ideas – you know how people are like, “That idea in your head, the one you think about 24/7, just do it” – I am unfortunately one of those poor unlucky souls that just don’t got it. I don’t have any end goals, I don’t know what to do with my life.
I am at the crossroads of crossroads, and boy, does it suck.
The words “I don’t know” pour out of my mouth more than anything else, I am not assertive, I am definitely the epitome of not moving forwards. I am the exact same I was a year ago but I have just moved from a school setting to a work setting. I thought work would change me, would make me into that person that I admire – that I make things work, I’ve got goals, I play instruments, speak another language and put ideas into practice person but nope. Work is just something I use to hide behind to pretend I do things. I don’t do jack.
This is the hard truth.
Yet, it still hasn’t suck in. I don’t realise how much time I’m wasting. How much opportunities I ave right in front of my face that I am letting go to waste. I know I should do something, I’m not naive, I know I am wasting my life yet I am to the verge where I just don’t care. How I feel right now is when a meat-eater knows about the cruelty of animal torture and the logic to a plant-based diet yet they say they don’t care because the convenience and familiarity of eating meat is just too great. I am convenient. I am comfortable, I love being a lazy git, I do. But enough is enough – today is the day.
(inner voice: of course it is Omo, stop pretending like you give a damn, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks)
Today is the day. For 30 days consistently, I shall upload. Every single day for 30 days. I shall spend time on this laptop here speaking my feelings out into the world. For all to see. Having conversations with myself.
Well, see you tomorrow.
It’s been lit.
Love,
One In A Miracle. 